Archive | February, 2014

Alternate Reality

26 Feb

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Awhile ago, I was fascinated by the show Fringe. It’s an awesome series that explored the realm of what is termed fringe science. Mutations, dimensional collapse, time travelling, teleportation… you name it, they got it. One thing that really stuck out was the concept of alternate reality – or – parallel universe.

Think about it, somewhere out there, an exact “duplicate” of yourself is wandering around, possibly doing something completely different. An office drone in this reality could be a star athlete in the alternate reality. Your “duplicate” would have taken different paths to get to where they are today. Think back to when you had to make a big decision. That time when you filled in your university application, that time when you got drunk instead of studying, or that time when you decided it was a good idea to not pull out. What would have happened if you chose a different path? Would you have turned out differently?

At another crossroad, the decision you make would creative another alternate universe where the other you walked the other way. I always wondered if humans would ever find concrete evidence of an alternate universe and perhaps one day invent an elaborate contraption that would take us back and from these realities. 

But that would be scary. If we indulge in another universe, we would lose sight of what is real. We may never go back. What if you stumbled upon a universe where you hadn’t existed at all? Would your existence in that universe disrupt the dimension? Would space be ripped apart because of your intrusion? 

Having said that, dimensional travelling sounds awesome. So let’s hope that happens.

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Why is Monday Monday?

24 Feb

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With the blessing of the weekend gone, Monday is again afoot to mark the beginning of another grind. This begs the question – why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? Some might say, the weekend is not enough.

For those of us who are looking for a way out, every Monday is a grind, yet an opportunity. It’s a struggle because you don’t want to be here yet it’s the time when people will look at your résumé. The first order of the day would be to read the news then go on JobsDB or whatever it is that you use to start looking again.

Suddenly, you remembered the 5 applications you sent out last week. You keep your hope up and checks your phone every 15 minutes to see if there are any emails or missed calls from one of these places. But of course, no emails or missed calls. Depressed, you press on with your job search.

No. No. No. Too far. Scam. Too shitty. Not enough experience. Scam. Scam.

That about sums up what goes on in the mind when going through that list of job postings. You are defeated, and it’s not even close to midday yet. This is gonna be a long week.

Let’s just say when Godzilla has the need to facepalm, you know you’re not in a comfortable position.

How to currency

21 Feb

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I believe it’s common sense to bring the local currency to the country you are travelling to.  Not her though. Not her. I would like to see her try bringing Swiss Francs to America to see who takes it.

My colleague, F, ended up paying because she didn’t have local currency. We are hoping she will pay her back at the correct exchange rate.

Good luck, F. We are rootin’ for ya’.

Even More Shit the Bosses Say

13 Feb

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Things are very interesting at the office. My colleagues are friendly, my workspace is spacious, my boss is mouthy. The words that come out of her mouth are unbelievable. However, they are still words that other shitty bosses would spout. 

I have plenty more stories to write, as there are so much I have not accounted for, but hey, people seem to like what bosses say, so here we go.

1. Boss says: Give more energy to this.

Boss means: Work off hours for this.

2. Boss says: You need to sleep with [project] and eat with [project].

Boss means: Work off hours for [project].

3. Boss saysThere’s no bonus this year because mistakes were made.

Boss meansThere’s no bonus this year because I am fucking cheap and because I said so.

4. Boss says: (at a meeting) We can achieve the [unobtainable target] if we put our hearts to it.

Boss meansYou need to achieve the [unobtainable target] or your ass is on the line.

5. Boss saysWe need a marketing position for ourselves

Boss means: I have no idea what that means, but I bet spewing business jargon will scare the shit out of you guys.

And that, my friends, is that. If your boss ever say something dubious, do leave a message and let me interpret it for you! Here’s something to keep things upbeat.

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Last I heard Sunday didn’t mean Monday

12 Feb

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This was my exact face on Sunday. I was not amused, not pleased, not happy. 

Woken up by a text at 10:30am, I rolled over to check who it was. Bad decision. It was QB asking me to find something on the government’s website. I pfft-ed and rolled back to the other side. 

Come noon and I was out having brunch with parents, and I received a text from her urging me to reply sooner rather than later. I begrudgingly replied. This was where the nightmare started.

One text soon became two, two became four, four became eight. She knew I was awake so there wasn’t much of an excuse. So there I was, out in the streets, doing research for her while walking with my parents, trying to spend some time with them.

Didn’t get a thank you, didn’t get any appreciation. She pressed with her questions and I duly responded to each and everyone of them, no matter how NOT URGENT this matter was. All she wanted to do was revise an entry in Wikipedia. Seriously? This couldn’t wait? I don’t see the urgency in that. 

For me, if it was urgent, then I would definitely entertain your request. Business is, after all, business. For stupid shit like this?

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At the end of all that, she had the audacity to send me this. The following is verbatim.

We don’t do thing tmr. We do thing now! Give more energy to this.

I kid you not.

Folks, this is why people leave the company. Unreasonable bosses play a huge factor. You would do well to remember that. Bottom line – don’t ask people to do work outside of working hours unless it’s urgent or agreed.

Serial Hogwash Information Teller

11 Feb

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Last Friday, bullshit sirens were blaring all over. Verbal bombs were exploding around me. I am engaged in the first meeting for the year of the Horse.

We go through the usual ritual saying how we suck at our jobs, that we are not simply employees, and giving us empty encouragement. Oh yeah, landing on the sun is definitely an easy task. Yeah, no problem.  The North Koreans did it recently, so why can’t we?

Now I am not against objective results, but when you hang your goals so high that we need to build a rocket just to reach it, you have to get real. We don’t have a rocket. In fact, we don’t even have the resources to build an engine. The best we can do given the time and resources is build a ladder and look like we are lifting off.

I didn’t really object to her criticism, not because I agree with her, but because it is futile. Why bother when there’s nothing to be gained from it? As a salary slave, we know when to object and when not to. When you are faced with QB, it’s best not to as she believes she’s always right. Much rather save my energy.

Of course, as with most of her shit, she’s not going to let us off easy. We were crudely reminded to sleep with it and eat with itIf we don’t, then we are not on task and not fit for the job. Well here’s what we think,

There.

I wish this was the end of it, but no. Oh no. She won’t let us off easy. Tomorrow, we will get into how my Sunday was ruined.

Visiting the Boss’s House

6 Feb

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As per tradition, us underlings will visit the boss’s place some time during the month of Chinese New Year. Also as per tradition, none of us wants to go. Here are the results of a survey I have taken from a random sample of 5 people asking whether they wanted to go to the boss’s place. 

Employee 1: No.

Employee 2: No.

Employee 3: No.

Employee 4: No.

Employee 5: uhh… yeah… I should be fine.

I must note that when taking the results of Employee 5, QB was within earshot, so the answer may be affected by her presence. Being a scientific person, I cannot regard Employee 5’s biased answer to be part of the results. Therefore, we can conclude that 100% of employees do not want to go to her house and thus should be compensated for our time.

I think I just said what everyone wanted to hear. And that, my friends, is my first post after a long ass break. May there be many more to come.